Over the years I've heard many things about the way people perceive me because of nonverbal cues I projected. Some perceptions I was conscious of, other I had intended to project as was conscious of and others I was just downright unaware of! Haha. For instance, I was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, So at one point in time or another the "Baggy" look was in. I attempted to, much to my mothers dislike, fit in. Some told me I looked nerdy, some said I looked like a tutor or something of the sort. After that phase ended I moved on to the professional "College" look. During that phase I received much of the same thing along with compliments on how I dressed. :) My drama teacher at the time called me a "dandy" (Metro-sexual) and once I knew what it meant I agreed, I mean, I'm not gay, but I do put concern into how I look. I was a quiet guy as well, I didn't say much. I was shy, an only child so I was somewhat non-social, still am to this day. I didn't show much facial expression, very stoic. Many of my friends tell me that they love to see my smile more but when they first met me they wouldn't of thought I knew how.
As the years went by and I worked on finding a look that worked for me I began receiving more and more of the same perceptions. I looked smart and quiet, some even said I look like I had an inner freak in me, some said I looked cocky and conceited, almost as if I had a God-Complex. I walked very straight and with a purpose, I had long legs standing at about 5'11, so It seemed I always had somewhere to go even, in most cases, I didn't. I was scared of staying anywhere too long because if it was around people I couldn't decipher their facial expressions, is the smile from the cute girl across from me because she thinks I'm cute or because there's a stain on my shirt or there's chocolate milk still caked on my mustache (I was a chocolate milk addict in HS). It was a inward battle of tremendous proportions but one that never broke the surface of my appearance.
It was strange to hear what people thought of me before they met me. Also shocking to know that I intimidating the majority of people I met because of the way I looked. I didn't look threatening, I was medium height and lean, didn't play sports, caught somewhere in between the border of a Drama Dork & Popular Kid because I knew a lot of people and I had dated some very popular people but I maintained my loyalty to the people I called friends, who consequently, weren't part of the popular crowd. My eyes and the way I would stand, almost towering, were many peoples recollection of their intimidating moments. I walk very quietly, though I wear a large shoe size, I've been called elephant feet. *Chuckle* Many people think that i'm well spoken before they speak to me because of the way I carry myself, but some don't think that I'm very friendly, also because of the way I carry myself. I may come off as disinterested or perhaps ignorant of other people but in my mind it's simply I'm too shy to say anything at all. On the AVC campus in the square buy the cafe, I make it a chore not to walk in the middle where everyone can see me unless it just so happens to be the quickest way to wherever I'm going, which it rarely is. People are shocked to know this, because I think the people watching me are criticizing me in their minds, with their eyes and their thoughts and my imagination takes off with a vengeance and it would so happen that my imagination, 9 times our of 10, is wrong, dead wrong.
All in all my nonverbal cues have given arise to a perception I like but one that may not be accurate. It's not painstakingly inaccurate but it would be nice if I didn't come off as intimidating so much, would probably have more friends. I've been told I have deep eyes which is about the one thing I fully agree with for the simple fact that I am very...technical. I think way too much, and I over think frequently and I cam compartmentalize my mental thoughts easily, depending on the thought. I read too much into things so things bother me easily. I'm a victim of shutting up as opposed to speaking up, thus creating many volcanic eruptions in my life towards friends and family because I fail to verbalize things I had issues with. For the most part, my nonverbal cues are useful because I don't think i'd like for everyone to know that I was so critical of myself, or that all these things occur in my head when I seem to be perfectly fine just devoid of emotion. to be honest, I think the devoid of emotion bit looks a lot cooler. :)
I respect you, I respect you because you know exactly who you want to be and you present yourself accordingly; I sense that you like to keep it to yourself, and at the end of the day you just simply do not like being judged. You have a persona that radiates from your non-verbal cues and you're perfectly fine with that. I am the same as you, I like to keep it to myself, and somewhat “non-social”. Personally, I realize I did the same thing as you did, you described your tendency to avoid any eyes that stare at you, and fearing what people think of you. I used to be like that too, until I realize I was just paranoid, and who cares what people think of you. I found out that it's easy for people to judge someone else by the way they present themselves, this is wrong, “dead wrong” as you put it. It's true.
ReplyDeleteFor your concluding statements you said, “For the most part, my nonverbal cues are useful because I don't think I’d like for everyone to know that I was so critical of myself, or that all these things occur in my head when I seem to be perfectly fine just devoid of emotion. to be honest, I think the devoid of emotion bit looks a lot cooler. :)”. I wasn't sure if I understood it correctly, did you mean that you think that your non-verbal cues are useful because it serves as a mask, in which you can hide what you really feel inside? If so, I think that's how everyone else acts as a group in society, never swaying far from the societal norms presented, and if you to do so, you'll be labeled weird. I believe however, it's good to express yourself freely.
Hey thanks for opening yourself up. I think it is interesting how many people feel the way you do. I sometimes feel that I am being judge when I am in a crowded room full of strangers. I often seem like the shy type but in fact I am a thinker. I am always analyzing and thinking about things around me or I am watching the person talking to me. I think about how the person talks, walks the persons actions and that helps me tell how the person is, if the person is friendly, fun, nice or a gossiper. I tend to stay away from the gossipers; I do like to share information about people for fun or to get a reaction from another person.
ReplyDeleteThe part where you said “I think the people watching me are criticizing me in their minds, with their eyes and their thoughts and my imagination takes off with a vengeance and it would so happen that my imagination, 9 times our of 10, is wrong, dead wrong.” made me think that you need to be more confident in yourself. In a way I know you are but if you would drop your self-consciousness and open yourself up more to people you may enjoy more company with new people. You seem like a smart and nice guy. I wish you the best at not letting your mind wonder in a crowd of people. I know I had to work at it and it makes me feel better to be more open with people now.
I think it’s funny how we all go through phases in order to find ourselves. I have noticed that when people dress a certain way just to fit in, and not because it is their actually style, it looks unnatural as if they were trying too hard. Once a person finds clothes that they themselves like then I think that definitely shows, they usually come off more confident and sure of themselves. I know this because I too dressed to fit in back in middle school, and it didn’t really work for me. Once I found clothes that I liked, and felt expressed who I was, then I wasn’t so concerned with what other people thought of me. People have told me over the years how mean they thought I was before they actually met me. I guess I walk around with a facial expression that looks like I’m pissed off. After people told me that I understood where they were coming from, and understood why they thought that, I would think the same thing if I didn’t know me. Now I try to make more eye-contact with people and smile at them, as well as strike up a conversation, so I don’t come off as mean.
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